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tell me what can I do for the world for the people for the life we all deserve when I can't even step out of my house tell me what can prayers do for the sick for the poor for the hungry when it's all just words from my mouth tell me what can protests do for the oppressed for the suffering for the pain when it all falls on stuffed ears anyway tell me what can love do for the grieving for the mourning for the miserable when they just lost all source of it tell me everything anything something when all hope is lost  (24/10/2020)

is the way I would describe them. we are no longer the same as when we first met (life does that to you), nor are we the same now as when we became friends. we've outgrown stuff, we've moved on, ...we've changed. but growing up's different from growing apart. ask me why I still believe in our friendship, and I'll tell you all about our journey to get there. a dislike can become a like, a stranger can become a best friend, and a breaking point can become a new beginning. with all the changes in the world happening in a blink of an eye, all I know is I need my constants in life. - for my geng teh tarik (24/12/2021)

I was thirteen and at a wedding when I met a lady who was a friend of the groom. She took my hands and asked me; "What do you want to do when you grow up?" I had no reason to tell her my dreams, No reason as to why I owed her an answer, But I found myself talking for the whole night, And she listened. I think that was the first time I felt like someone actually wanted to listen to me, And that's probably why I still remember her years later. She was drinking wine the whole time though, So it's very possible she doesn't remember a thing. Looking back now, I realize, How ironic it is when a conversation can mean so much, Yet so little at the same time. (19/03/2023)

as far as I can tell, I've always been skinny. no amount of rice, or meat, or noodles ever changed that fact. and that's what it is, a fact. I was offended when they accused me of emptying my stomach after every meal, I was angry when they assumed I was slimming down for a man, and, I was close to spilling tears when they asked if my parents were feeding me right. perhaps the term "naturally skinny" should be an insult, after all, it was always said with invisible venom, accompanied by painful distrust in their eyes. but it's alright. I'll keep smiling as you scoop another unsought spoonful onto my plate, I'll keep quiet as you chide me for being ungrateful, I'll keep checking the numbers just hoping for it to go up, hoping for the day I can finally be left alone with my body. but as far as I can tell, I will always be too skinny. (30/06/2021)

On the 8th of March 2020, I had the pleasure of joining the Women's March in Kuala Lumpur for the first time. A friend of mine who went almost every year was the one who extended the invitation and since I didn't have anything to do anyways, I gladly accepted. The day itself, we gathered in front of a building and stood amongst a bunch of other people who were there for the same cause. There were speeches, safety briefings, and friendly reminders. Then, we started our march. Honestly, it was quite an amazing feeling to be marching alongside people whom you knew were there to represent something they truly believed in. While marching towards the final destination, we sang and held our posters up high. With determination in our voices and confidence in our steps, the feeling of empowerment slowly grew within my heart. Songs about rejecting the patriarchy and dirty politics filled the air throughout. The day was very hot, but the anger and dissatisfaction built up from years of mistreatment burned even more gloriously. The march came to an end as we stopped at a field. Here, a few women were called to the front to either recite poetry or give a speech. I can't remember their exact words anymore but I do remember feeling overwhelmed with frustration, sadness, and disappointment. So much of society is made up of women and yet at times like then, it felt like women were just an insignificant portion of the world. After everyone sang their hearts out to What's Up by 4 Non Blondes (the ultimate feminist anthem methinks), we parted ways. The organizers made sure to send people off in big groups so that everybody was protected and had companions. At this point, I remember questioning the need to do such a thing. Then as if the universe heard my thoughts and wanted to give an answer, a couple of men on the street started harassing some girls in my group for their attire. As we walked by them, they started asking us whether or not showing so much skin was appropriate. Quite frankly, a person's attire should be nobody's business but their own. But of course, these men just had to voice out their dissatisfaction with these girls' clothing. Our group opted to just ignore them and walked past quickly. I thought that was the end of the situation. Suddenly, one of my friends who was at the back of the group called out to the front and told us to walk faster because the men were following us. One thing led to another, we all rushed into a restaurant and settled down there. They left us alone then. Afterwards, I remember telling my friend how shocked I was at the audacity of some people to actually resort to such actions. To this day, her reply rings clear in my mind and pops up from time to time as a reminder of everything to fight for.  She said, "You would think that the world is a better place now. Then these kinds of things happen and you realize how bad everything still is." I look forward to the day I can finally store her words away for good.

right now I want to be in my living room, watching tv with my mom while eating dinner, waiting till an episode or a movie is finished, because only then would we decide who should wash the dishes, and even though it's an unorthodox way of bonding,  it's ours, and I miss it. right now I want to be sitting at the round table on my porch, watching as the cars pass by in the stillness of the night, listening to crickets while drinking tea, perhaps even writing in my journal, and even though I know a million mosquitoes will attack me, it's my place of solace, and I miss it. right now I want to be at the night market, eating dumplings with my dad at 11pm, being surrounded by people whom I don't know, all because he got hungry after dinner, and even though I'll have to change my clothes again before going to bed, it's a once-a-month tradition, and I miss it. right now I want to be in my room, surrounded by the horde of things that I just can't let go of, being bathed in the yellow light from my lamp, practicing the piano because Lord knows I need to, admiring the way my books are arranged on the bookshelves, and even though it sounds perfectly boring, it's my sanctuary, and I miss it. but right now I'm not in any of those places, because right now I'm sitting alone on my mattress in my dorm, thinking about where else I could be, right now. but that was moments ago, because right now, I'm thinking this too shall pass, just like all the right nows before, so right now, I'll stay where I am, because later, I'll be where I want to be. (14/04/2020)